The entire family was here recently, 14 in all, including six crumb-crunchers under the age of 5. We had a joint birthday party for two of the grands with pink princess cupcakes and chocolate train cupcakes.
The day after everyone cleared out, I noticed that the drain stopper was missing from the downstairs bathroom sink. Yes, I could look straight down that pipe into a dark abyss to nowhere. I was certain I hadn’t been able to see down the drain the day before.
The last thing you want to do is accuse your own flesh and blood of stripping hardware from your bathroom, but a drain stopper doesn’t just wash itself down the drain.
Being a matter of a delicate nature, I sent out a carefully worded email saying what a wonderful time we had and asking if anyone had inadvertently tucked a drain stopper in a purse, pocket or suitcase. I even attached a picture of a drain stopper (a round silver disc with a 6-inch plastic prong protruding from beneath) in case there was any doubt as to what the missing part looked like.
Our son responded that he thought his 10-month-old may have eaten it.
He said he’d let us know if they found it in the next day or two.
One of our sons-in-law said he ate it to prove his manhood after being ridiculed for eating one of the pink princess cupcakes.
Our youngest daughter responded that she thought she saw it in her husband’s lunchbox that morning, but she could be wrong.
Our oldest daughter replied that she had suspected her sister’s husband all along. He replied that he had been framed.
Our oldest daughter then shook down one of her twins with the following exchange:
Mommy: “Do you know where Grandma’s drain stopper is?”
Three-year-old: “Yah! Let me show you.” (Heads to the bathroom.)
Mommy: “No, not ours, where is Grandma’s? Did you take it?”
Three-year-old: (Hands on chin, lots of gestures.) “I think she took it.” (Points to 18-month-old baby sister). “She’s a naughty kid.”
Naturally, the 18-month-old defended herself saying, “Bububbubnananabub lalala!”
The next day an email arrived from our daughter-in-law. “Guess what I found in my laundry this morning? I thought the dryer was loud last night.”
Our perp was short but adept at lugging a step stool. He has a known history of building and disassembling, is mechanically inclined, determined and just turned 3.
He’d been my primary person of interest all along. Someone suggested we put one of those forward facing video cameras on him for a day just to see what he does in the course of 24 hours.
It’s always good to know a child’s interests and talents. We have a valve that occasionally drips under the kitchen sink. I may have him take a look at it the next time he’s here.
And I’ll pat him down before he leaves.
Lori Borgman is an Indianapolis columnist. Send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.