It seems I may have inadvertently committed consumer fraud.
In case you were as obliviously ignorant as I was, most states have rules to keep you legal; and rule No. 1 is to be honest and accurate.
According to Nolo.com, “make sure your ads are factually correct and that they don’t tend to deceive or mislead the buying public. Don’t show a picture of this year’s model of a product if what you’re selling is last year’s model, even if they look almost the same.”
So in full disclosure, I would like to apologize and admit the photo I’ve been using with this column was not even last year’s model — it’s nearly eight years old. To avoid violating any Federal Trade Commission laws, I am now in voluntary compliance with an updated photo.
My previous photo lately had resulted in telling remarks like, “My goodness, you don’t look anything like your Daily Journal photo.” Or even better: “Oh, you look so … so … so different.”
Well, you don’t have to hit me with a 2-by-4, I knew it was time to get a new photo.
In defense of the old photo, it was taken at midnight during 4-H week, when I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, thrust a camera at my then-13-year-old daughter and indignantly suggested she try and make me look professional — and pretty. Eight years later, I still remember her rolled eyes and long sigh of defeat.
This time I was smarter. As soon as Don Allen cut and styled my hair, I ran out his door and headed to Target for my professional model-like photo shoot. I imagined big fans blowing my hair and the photographer encouraging me in a French accent, “You look gorgeous, Dah-ling.” But even better, I got a professional photographer who knew to shoot me from above, so my double chin would be less apparent.
You may notice (not that I’m vain or anything) that this updated photo has added crows feet around the eye area. (Just so you know, I squint my eyes when I’m thinking intensely and solving world problems.) And the jowls — well, those are what some people call droopy cheeks, but I like to think of them as bowls of wisdom. Every mature woman needs a special place (like the bowl next to the door you drop your car keys into) to keep words of advice at a moment's notice.
For heaven’s sake, if we wrote them down on paper, we’d forget and leave them on the dresser or bathroom sink and wouldn’t have them at a moment’s notice.
Hence the need for wearing these bowls of wisdom close to our mouths.
Anyway, I tend to agree with President Abraham Lincoln: “There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.”
Janet Hommel Mangas, the third of seven children, grew up on the east side of Greenwood. The Center Grove area resident and her husband are the parents of three daughters. Send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.