In a recent column I wrote, I admitted to my obsession with police shows.
Chicago P.D. is my current favorite. I also like Blue Bloods because I am a Tom Selleck fan — maybe too much of a fan. The day after we bought our new house, I applied for a reverse mortgage.
In that previous column, I mentioned several recurring scenes in these shows that justify some investigation. “Investigation” might not be the right word here, but it’s a good police term.
I pondered why criminals are always home when cops knock on the door. Of course, now with the coronavirus, even felons are sheltering in place. Occasionally they will go out for a quick heist, but don’t worry: they always wear a mask.
Here are a few things missing from my observations, which were responses from the column’s readers, many of whom are either cops, fans of police shows or crooks themselves.
When officers arrive on the scene where someone has been shot, why do they always look in the victim’s eyes and say, “Stay with me”?
This person is not going anywhere — the guy is riddled with bullets — and I assure you there is no evidence this plea affects the outcome. If you are finding this column boring already, stay with me. (See, I don’t think this request works here, either.)
As cops approach a suspect, let’s say he’s a mechanic in a shop, why do they identify themselves as police when they are still a hundred yards away, resulting in immediate flight by the offender? Why not wait until they are right next to him, where they can snap on those bracelets? Instead the guy takes off and …
Once the chase begins, there is a 95 percent chance that the pursuit will end up at a fence or a gate somewhere — which either deters the criminal and he is captured, or more likely results in his escape because the cop in pursuit is way out of shape.
When the police knock on a door, the person inside often says, “Let me see your badge,” and somehow that makes it alright for the resident to open the door. Consider this: First, a few cops are thugs themselves, but more importantly, any wannabe can buy a badge at a pawn shop or go online and choose from countless designs. Name a city, give yourself a rank and you’re in business. It’s not a business you legally belong in, yet you can scare the daylights out of some poor stranger you stop for speeding on I-465.
Here’s my favorite: A guy has just robbed a bank and knocked off a teller. The perp’s description goes out to the entire force and it says something like: “He is 5’10”, and is wearing a red sweat shirt and a Chicago White Sox hat.” Okay, how dumb do you have to be to commit a murder and then keep that stupid hat on for the rest of the day? Okay, a Cubs hat, maybe, but not a White Sox hat.
My wife wants me to do a similar column specifically about British crime series. I will, once I figure out what the heck everyone is saying.
