First came the shock. Then the anger exploded, followed by grief and depression.
After Amanda Gierke’s father-in-law died by suicide, she and her family experienced a wave of helplessness, sadness and resentment. Processing those emotions took years, and still impact her.
Then it happened again, this time with her uncle dying by suicide. Then a cousin died the same way in 2018.
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“There’s a lot of anger that comes from it, then there’s depression. You don’t know how to feel. It changes you in so many ways,” she said. “It takes a long time. And it doesn’t get easier no matter how many times you go through it. The grief comes in waves, you still get angry and it repeats itself.”
Gierke is outspoken about her experience as a survivor of suicide loss. Talking about the issue is a way for her to process the complicated emotions that come when a loved one dies by suicide. She wants to be honest about how she feels, even if it’s scary.
The problem is that people who haven’t gone through the situation are often hesitant to talk about it, she said.
So the Greenwood resident has found solace in connecting with other survivors who have gone through the same thing, forming a bond over their shared loss.
“You realize you’re not alone. There are other people who have been in your shoes, who have the exact same experiences, so they can fully understand exactly what you’re going through,” Gierke said. “You can connect on that level.”
This weekend, Gierke and others like her will gather together for a day of remembrance and supporting one another. Johnson County will host its first International Survivor of Suicide Loss Day from 10 a.m. to noon Saturday. The event is free, though people are asked to register to attend.
The event is designed to bring suicide loss survivors together to find connection, understanding and hope through their shared experience.
“This is a day aimed at survivors, where they can see that they’re not alone and that they have a supportive, loving community of individuals who can help them through the grieving process,” said Kathleen Ratcliff, executive director of Upstream Prevention and chair of the Suicide Prevention Coalition of Johnson County.
International Survivor of Suicide Loss Day, or simply Survivor Day, is a day of remembrance organized by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The foundation is the nation’s largest nonprofit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide.
Survivor Day activities are planned around the world and are always held the Saturday before Thanksgiving, since the holidays can be a particularly difficult time for those who have had a loved one die by suicide, Ratcliff said.
On the local level, Saturday’s event is being planned by the Suicide Prevention Coalition of Johnson County, which was formed earlier this year to address death by suicide and mental illness.
From 2011 to 2015, death by suicide was the second leading cause of death in Indiana in people ages 15 to 24, as well as those ages 25 to 34. Death by suicide was the third leading cause of death in children ages 10 to 14.
During that same time period, 1,434 Indiana residents ages 10 to 34 died by suicide, a death rate higher than the national rate for that same age group.
Those deaths have left family and friends reeling in the aftermath.
“It can be isolating enough when you lose someone or someone passes away. We feel like nobody understands what we’re going through. Especially for deaths by suicide, those feelings of isolation intensify,” Ratcliff said. “There is that stigma about, ‘Why did my loved one die?’”
Survivor Day is another opportunity to bring more awareness to suicide and mental health issues, which has been one of Ratcliff’s main goals in her work in the community.
People will come together at the Franklin branch of the Johnson County Public Library for a light breakfast starting at 9:30 a.m. Saturday, and the Survivor Day program will start at 10. Activities include the screening of a documentary produced by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, with a discussion to follow.
People can take part in a remembrance craft to help memorialize their loved one through the holidays and beyond.
“We’re hoping that individuals bring a photo of their loved one, and we’re going to craft and create something they can take away with them, that they can see and use to remember,” Ratcliff said.
Gierke plans to be present for the event in Franklin. She has been active in other suicide prevention and Survivor Day events in Indianapolis and Bloomington, so to have one in her home county is encouraging.
The chance to interact with other survivors of suicide loss at home is encouraging, she said.
“It’s great that it’s in our community. I love that Johnson County is focusing on it,” she said. “Mental health is becoming more of a concern, and it’s becoming a growing issue.”
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International Survivor of Suicide Loss Day
What: An event designed to bring suicide loss survivors together to find connection, understanding and hope through their shared experience.
When: 10 a.m.-noon Saturday; a light breakfast will start at 9:30
Where: Franklin branch of the Johnson County Public Library, 401 State St.
Cost: Free to attend, though people are asked to register at www.afsp.org/survivorday.
Questions and donations: Please reach out to Kathleen Ratcliff at [email protected].
To get help: If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
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