The signs of dating abuse among teens hide in plain sight, often going unnoticed until reaching tragic levels.
Friends and family may notice a loved one becoming more isolated. Plans to meet for lunch or go out to a movie are abruptly cancelled without explanation. Phone calls and texts go unreturned. Previously healthy people suddenly suffer from stomach aches or headaches that prevent them from seeing others.
After her niece’s death in 2016 as a consequence of dating violence, Cheryl Steele wondered why she didn’t notice the patterns of abuse more clearly.
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“The instant somebody loses their life in a violent way is the instant the lives of family members are changed forever,” Steele said. “When I look back now, after all of the research I’ve done, I think, ‘If I had only known.’”
In the aftermath of her own family’s loss, Steele dedicated herself to educating other young people and parents about the dangers of dating violence. The Greenwood native formed Purple Sneakers to help others recognize the hallmarks of abuse in young relationships, and how to equip people with the tools to escape dangerous situations that may be unfolding in secret.
Purple Sneakers has become one of the programs offered by Beacon of Hope Crisis Center, a southside Indianapolis organization providing safety, support and education to women suffering from domestic and sexual abuse. Working together, organizers hope to be able to raise awareness and prevent the dating violence from impacting more young people.
“We’re talking about what a healthy relationship should look like, and what an unhealthy relationship does look like. I feel that most often, our youths that aren’t behaving as they should maybe haven’t seen what’s appropriate,” said Sandra Ziebold, CEO and executive director of Beacon of Hope. “They cannot make an informed decision about their relationship behavior.”
Domestic abuse and sexual assault are serious problems affecting people of all ages, sexes and socioeconomic levels. But for the young people, the impact is particularly high.
One in three adolescent girls in the U.S. is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, according to the National Council on Crime and Delinquency Focus. That figure far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
The Centers for Disease Control reported that nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year. One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
“When we go out and talk, it’s amazing to me the number of people who say to me that they knew somebody. If you have a sister or a daughter or a granddaughter, somebody knows someone who’s been affected by unhealthy relationships,” Steele said.
After her niece’s death, Steele was overwhelmed with questions. Seeking help, she found Beacon of Hope.
“If you’ve never been around any of this, or don’t think that you know about this, you reach out to people,” Steele said.
Beacon of Hope was founded in 2007. The center offers advocacy services and referrals to victims of domestic violence as well as sexual assault. Staff members help people deal with the trauma of the situation, as well as filing paperwork for the courts, dealing with court appointments and locating a bed in a domestic violence shelter.
The organization collaborates with six different police departments in the area, including Greenwood and Bargersville, to provide advocacy to people who law enforcement officers believe to be in risky situations.
“Timely details and contact information enable us to reach and educate victims about all that is available to them increasing the likelihood that they will leave, get medical attention and ultimately stay safe,” Ziebold said. “Collaboratively getting victims safe and preventing escalation helps to reduce our overall homicide rates. Greenwood Police Department has several officers that call us to meet with a victim or walk right in to our crisis center to get the help of our advocates.”
One of the most unique services offered is fostering pets, so that people who need to leave a violent situation don’t have to worry about leaving their pets behind, Steele said.
“One of the top four reasons individuals won’t leave is that they’re afraid what will happen to their pets,” she said.
When Steele came to the organization, she met with Ziebold, who helped her answer the questions that had piled up following her niece’s death. The resources available helped her with the grief she was experiencing, and she felt that Beacon of Hope’s mission paralleled her own desire to prevent dating violence in young people.
Purple Sneakers was Steele’s attempt to reach people early, before they or someone they love have entered into an abusive relationship that could cost them their lives.
A focus of her work was directed at teenagers and their parents.
“Parents tend to think that kids bicker back and forth, but I don’t think we have a good handle on this world they’re growing up in,” Steele said. “When I asked parents, ‘Do you know how to talk to your teen about dating violence?’ they wanted to know why I was asking that question. If we can tell people the signs of somebody struggling with this, we can intervene early.”
Though Purple Sneakers initially started as an independent program, Beacon of Hope leaders immediately saw the impact it could have. Ziebold invited Steele to operate under their organization’s umbrella.
“We’ve had a program reaching our youth for a long time. But I was wanting to look at it with fresh eyes, to enhance it,” Ziebold said. “What Cheryl was doing in addition to what we were already doing was a perfect pairing. It’s a great collaboration, and I think we’re going to reach so many young adults.”
Speaking to schools and community groups, Steele and other Purple Sneakers representatives try to break down the signs of dating violence and unhealthy relationships.
Actions such as extreme jealousy or insecurity, checking a partner’s cell phones, social media and emails without permission, physically inflicting pain or hurt, and destroying your personal property or things of sentimental value are all red flags of dating violence, Ziebold said.
To go with the education aspect of the organization, one of Steele’s foremost goals was to put together a fundraiser to support nonprofit organizations helping women in the area.
She contacted John Deluca, a longtime friend and former classmate at Greenwood High School, for help. Deluca is bassist for the band Heartstone Crossing Band, and often performs for fundraisers. He jumped at the opportunity.
“I have a 14-year-old granddaughter, so this is something I want to be aware of,” Deluca said. “Plus, knowing Cheryl and her circumstance, when I talked to the band guys, they all jumped on it.”
Through working with Beacon of Hope, Steele, Deluca and Ziebold planned an event they called Wine with Purpose. The fundraiser will raise money not only for Beacon of Hope to help reach more young adults, but 50 percent of the profits from the event will go to an area women’s shelter.
This year, those funds will go to Sheltering Wings, a shelter and haven for individuals and families dealing with domestic violence.
“Here at Beacon of Hope, we do everything but provide a bed. So we work in collaboration with our state shelters. When we have a client who calls who needs immediate shelter, we’re reaching out to our shelter partners to find them a bed,” Ziebold said.
In addition to Heartstone Crossing performing, food trucks such as Johnson’s BBQ and Twisted Sicilian will be serving food. A silent auction will feature a variety of unique items, such as a pet portrait sketching session, wine tastings from Mallow Run, self-defense lessons and hotel getaways.
Everyone who attends will get a free drink ticket and commemorative wine glass.
“The goal of the event is raise funds, but also to raise awareness,” Steele said. “We all know it’s a problem. It takes all of us working together to have a impact on this.”
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Wine with Purpose
What: A fundraising benefit for Beacon of Hope Crisis Center. Half of the funds will also go to Sheltering Wings, a shelter for individuals and families dealing with domestic abuse.
When: Aug. 24, 7 to 10 p.m.
Where: The Sycamore at Mallow Run Winery, 7070 W. Whiteland Road, Bargersville
What will be featured: The event will include music by Heartstone Crossing Band, food trucks and a silent auction. Attendees receive a ticket for one free drink, and a commemorative wine glass.
Tickets: $20
How to attend: purpose18.auction-bid.org/microsite/ or beaconofhopeindy.org
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Some warning signs of dating violence:
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity
- Isolation from your family and friends
- Checking cell phones, social media, and emails without your permission
- Physically inflicting pain or hurt
- Constant monitoring of your location
- Continual unwanted messaging.
- Repeatedly pressuring you into unwanted acts
- Making threats or carrying out threats to hurt you
- Destroying your personal property or things of sentimental value
— Information from Beacon of Hope Crisis Center
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