I don’t like to brag, but I am now a member of an elite group. A rare 5 percenter.
Some of you that don’t know me very well might jump to conclusions and guess: Navy Seal? — only 6 percent of SEAL applicants meet the requirement, let alone qualify and complete the training. Nice guess, but nope. Mother of the Year? Seriously?
My daughter, Chloe, who graduates from chiropractic college next week, was the first one to inform me of my high honor. She communicated this fact from Connecticut to her eldest sister, Aly, who had the pleasure of driving me to my “spa week” at Community Hospital South. My husband “called the appendix,” but the pain didn’t seem that bad to me. Most appendectomies are performed on 13 to 35 year olds. It was quite reassuring, before being wheeled down for my CAT scan, to know that if this test went well, I would be among the world’s 5 percent. A week later, Chloe sent me the Journal of Surgical Research, just in case I needed it for a humble/brag reference.
My burst appendix was affirmed and my appendectomy quickly followed. I only remember being wheeled into the surgical room — must’ve been eight young people in scrubs — all young enough to have been in the non-elite group if they ever have their appendix removed. I remembered looking around for Dr. Diekhoff, who would be the star of the show — besides my looming appendix — but at this point I only remember taking two easy breaths of that magic air.
All went well and Dr. Diekhoff had even more amazing news on his first visit after the surgery. First, he agreed that my maturity in relation to my appendectomy did in fact place me in an elite 5 percent class of persons. He had earlier told my husband that everything else looked good, actually pretty boring. But he also found and had checked out a “shadow’ in my upper right stomach area.
You might need to sit down for this one.
I also am in another elite group of 10 percent of people who have an accessory spleen. In case you’re curious, multiple spleens do not cause medical problems and nothing is done about them.
It’s like I have super powers that I never knew existed.
Thanks to the assembly of nurses: Kaity, Allison, Shindra, Janette, night-shifters Joy and Marcus, the other two guy nurses, who I’m pretty sure sprinted down the hall at 2 a.m. to turn off the beeping machine in my room after only a record-breaking five beeps. And thanks to my favorite nurse tech, Mary.
Janet Hommel Mangas grew up on the east side of Greenwood. The Center Grove area resident and her husband are the parents of three daughters. Send comments to email@example.com.