What’s in a name? Apparently confusion

Despite being on TV in Indianapolis for almost 40 years, people constantly confuse me with other people with a similar name. Here are letters I have actually received in the mail or by email along with a few I just made up for fun. Can you guess which are which?

Dear Dick:

My grass has turned a putrid brown color. It looks so terrible I won’t even let my nine dogs go out there anymore. Suggestions?

A fan, Mary

Dear Mary,

You have confused me with Dick Crum. Nevertheless, I think you have already made some progress in combating this problem.

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Dear Dick,

Your show is great. I especially like the “DOINK DOINK” sound that plays at the beginning of each scene. Did I spell that correctly?

Thanks, Mrs. Gladys Kirchenbaum

Dear Mrs. Kirchenbaum,

There is no DOINK DOINK sound during my show. You are confusing me with Dick Wolf, executive producer of “Law & Order.” I wrote Dick Wolf and told him I was getting a lot of his fan mail and that I would forward all of it. I asked if he could forward mine to me, as well.

Nothing yet.

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Dear Dick,

Just saw you on TV. You have more hair now than I remember. Who do you think is gonna win the NCAA this year?


Dear Tim,

I had a hair transplant. And by the way, I am not Dick Vitale.

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Dear Dick,

I turned on the TV last Tuesday and saw you in tight shorts.

What happened to that buff body you once had?

Sincerely, Donna

Dear Donna

I have never had a muscular body. You are thinking of Dick the Bruiser.

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Dear Dick,

There is no question in my mind: you are the cleverest guy ever to have a talk show.

Regards, Joe

Dear Joe,

Thanks, but I am not Dick Cavett. Darn it.

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Dear Dick,

What’s it like being married to a witch?


Dear Sally,

I am not Dick York or Dick Sargent from “Bewitched.” And I am hiding this letter from Mary Ellen.

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Dear Dick,

You never seem to age. I love watching you every New Year’s Eve.

Best regards,

Rob Manley

Dear Mr. Manley:

You must have meant to contact Dick Clark. Despite my old Facebook page photo, I am rapidly aging. If you are not confusing me with Dick Clark, please stop stalking me.

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Dear Dick,

I have enjoyed your business show for many years, except you never give stock advice. Why is that?


Dear Al,

I guess I could give you stock advice, except I’m not Gary Dick.

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Dear Dick,

You had the funniest sitcom on TV. I watch all the reruns. I would have loved to meet Mary Tyler Moore.

Sincerely, Ellen.

Dear Ellen,

I am not Dick Van Dyke. And, by the way, I would have loved to meet her, too.

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Dear Dick,

I admire what you have done for civil rights.

All the best, Denise

Dear Denise,

You are confusing me with Dick Gregory. Happens all the time.