Despite being on TV in Indianapolis for almost 40 years, people constantly confuse me with other people with a similar name. Here are letters I have actually received in the mail or by email along with a few I just made up for fun. Can you guess which are which?
My grass has turned a putrid brown color. It looks so terrible I won’t even let my nine dogs go out there anymore. Suggestions?
A fan, Mary
You have confused me with Dick Crum. Nevertheless, I think you have already made some progress in combating this problem.
Your show is great. I especially like the “DOINK DOINK” sound that plays at the beginning of each scene. Did I spell that correctly?
Thanks, Mrs. Gladys Kirchenbaum
Dear Mrs. Kirchenbaum,
There is no DOINK DOINK sound during my show. You are confusing me with Dick Wolf, executive producer of “Law & Order.” I wrote Dick Wolf and told him I was getting a lot of his fan mail and that I would forward all of it. I asked if he could forward mine to me, as well.
Just saw you on TV. You have more hair now than I remember. Who do you think is gonna win the NCAA this year?
I had a hair transplant. And by the way, I am not Dick Vitale.
I turned on the TV last Tuesday and saw you in tight shorts.
What happened to that buff body you once had?
I have never had a muscular body. You are thinking of Dick the Bruiser.
There is no question in my mind: you are the cleverest guy ever to have a talk show.
Thanks, but I am not Dick Cavett. Darn it.
What’s it like being married to a witch?
I am not Dick York or Dick Sargent from “Bewitched.” And I am hiding this letter from Mary Ellen.
You never seem to age. I love watching you every New Year’s Eve.
Dear Mr. Manley:
You must have meant to contact Dick Clark. Despite my old Facebook page photo, I am rapidly aging. If you are not confusing me with Dick Clark, please stop stalking me.
I have enjoyed your business show for many years, except you never give stock advice. Why is that?
I guess I could give you stock advice, except I’m not Gary Dick.
You had the funniest sitcom on TV. I watch all the reruns. I would have loved to meet Mary Tyler Moore.
I am not Dick Van Dyke. And, by the way, I would have loved to meet her, too.
I admire what you have done for civil rights.
All the best, Denise
You are confusing me with Dick Gregory. Happens all the time.