I have monumental problems logging into my bank account. The issue is that I can never remember the answers I had given to my security questions.
Who was my favorite comic book hero as a kid? Batman? Superman? The Flash? I’d hate to think I picked Aquaman.
What about my favorite flower? I have never had a favorite flower. If I choose rose, there’s a good chance I’ll say chrysanthemum the next time — if I can spell it. Tulips are not me. And I’m no pansy, that I can tell you.
Here’s another stumper: What college did I apply to but not attend? Well, that would be all the colleges that rejected me, so it could be Syracuse, or Northwestern, or Boston University. Maybe Brown.
The list just goes on and on … and on. And how about the name of my best friend? That’s a tough one because someone is always ticking me off, so it changes every week.
Last week, Mary Ellen and I went to see our investment counselor. (We’ve had several advisers over the years and the advice is always pretty much the same: Make more money. Apparently I’m not good at taking advice from others.)
In order to open a new account, our consultant Brent had to ask me some new security questions. In the past, the problem was remembering the answers, but now it’s knowing the answers in the first place. Brent started by asking, “What was your second grade teacher’s first name?”
Seriously? The name of the elementary school alone should have been enough. It was Roosevelt School. But which Roosevelt, Teddy or Franklin? I can’t even remember my school’s first name. Now, 65 years later, they want my teacher’s first name? All I can think of is “Miss.”
“Let’s try another one,” Brent said. “What time of day was your first child born?”
“How am I supposed to remember that? It must have been late afternoon, because I remember how beautiful the golf course looked as the sunset.”
“OK, Dick, tell me your favorite TV series in the ’90s.”
“Well, if I live that long, it will probably be Survivor, Season 45.”
“Dick, there’s only one question left. In what city were your parents married?”
“Geesh, Brent, how would I remember that? I was only a year old.”
At that point, my wife explained to me that I didn’t really need a right answer, I just needed an answer I could remember. In fact, I could give the same response to every question, just to make it easy on me. So I told Brent to type “Indywolfman47” no matter what the question was.
You’re probably saying: “I can’t believe you revealed that password in your column. Now everyone who is reading this will know it.”
Please do remember it for me. I certainly won’t.