Just when you think you are reasonably up-to-date on all the words, behaviors, attitudes and moral and religious convictions that are now deemed offensive by the politically correct, along comes another one to add to the ever expanding repertoire — Thin Privilege.
Thin Privilege is decried by self-described fat activist Virgie Tovar who, in my more unenlightened days, I may have described as curvy. Or maybe even fluffy. Fortunately, I now know that I should call her fat, embrace fatness, never mention the word diet or heart health and invite her over for three-layer chocolate cake to prove that I don’t care what size she is.
I don’t care. And I won’t care. Unless, of course, she cares that I am short. Then it could get ugly. Short sensitivities would demand that I play the Tall Privilege card.
The thing is, I think Virgie and I would be friends even though she thinks that I am probably bigoted and hateful because of her size. I have long maintained that the whole thing with food is incredibly backward. When you are a young child and have no appreciation for food, you can eat all you want and not gain weight.
When you are mature enough to have discriminating taste buds, you just look at food and gain weight.
In the interest of full disclosure, know that I have probably lost a total of 200 pounds — never all at the same time, but more like gain two, lose two. As a matter of fact, if you are someone who can eat all you want and never gain weight, I’m not sure that we can be friends — you and your Fast-Metabolism Privilege.
According to Tovar, whose mantra is “Lose Hate, Not Weight,” fatphobia is rampant in white society where people seek to oppress people with larger body types. Dear Virgie, both of my grandmas were full-figure and every single one of their combined 49 grandkids loved every ounce of them. Few things were more comforting than to lean in and get lost in big loving arms.
Please don’t accuse people you don’t know of hating heavy people. If you persist, I’ll still invite you for cake, but you may be wearing it, not eating it (Cake Throwing Privilege).
What are we to do with all these privileges that we hold against one another? We have the Two-Parent Family Privilege, Not Living in My Parents’ Basement Privilege, the I Do Not Struggle with which Restroom to Use Privilege, Flat Abs Privilege and the despicable Good Hair Privilege.
It reminds me of that childhood song — which is now surely banned — “Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, guess I’ll go eat worms.”
Used to be we made gentle fun of self-pity. We acknowledged that life was unfair and leaned into the wind anyway.
Today we revel in self-pity and elevate carping, clawing and tearing one another down to art forms. Before long the only way we will be able to function as a society is to level the playing field by declaring that everybody hates everybody else.
Maybe when we’ve collapsed under the crushing weight of bickering and narcissism we can begin to regroup and rise from the ashes.
Or at least call out for pizza. Extra cheese.