With palace full of stuff, moving can be royal pain

I read that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is moving out of her Buckingham Palace digs. Moving in or out of a home can be quite stressful. My advice: Start calling around to friends and find someone with a pickup truck (Uh, excuse me, a lorry).

I don’t have a lorry, but if she needs an extra back I would certainly help out.

I’m assuming she knows the unwritten rule of moving etiquette that says she is supposed to provide pizza and beer for all the helpers. At least, that is the way it is with my crowd. Maybe across the pond they spring for a pint of ale and some fish and chips. Either way, it’s just what is done. She has lots of advisers, and she’s the Queen, after all, so I’m sure knows the proper procedure.

Apparently the move has to do with repairs or something. Maybe they are restocking the moat or deep cleaning those huge tapestries that hang on the walls. Maybe the drawbridge chains need oiling. I have no idea. As a homeowner, I do know you have to keep up on the little things or they become big things.

At any rate, for some time after the move she can expect to be searching through stacks of boxes, trying to locate the sword she uses to knight people or her scepter. Don’t fret, your Queenship, eventually everything will be put away. I suggest buying a good felt marker and labeling each box.

I have helped others move more times than I care to try to count. Back in the days when my friends and I were just going out on our own, it seems like every month I was helping someone maneuver a couch up or down a flight of apartment stairs. The people I helped move never seemed to live on the ground floor.

I have also called on friends and family to help me when I moved from one place to another. I come from a big family that moved a lot. They always had tons of stuff that they just couldn’t part with — everything was an “antique” to them. As much as I complained (”Why are you still holding on to this?”) and would whine as I climbed the stairs, I guess I am guilty of the same tendency to keep stuff way past its usefulness.

On one of my moves I asked a couple of teacher colleagues for some help. A few dozen boxes I had carefully labeled “books” with my felt marker were stacked and ready to go. It was during this move that I learned even educators will consider book burning after lugging box after heavy box down and up stairs. I bought them both beer and pizza, of course.

I’m thinking Her Highness probably has lots of stuff. Think about it: Even if she is not a hoarder, the fact that the palace is several hundred years old suggests it is probably filled with lots of antiques.

When my my wife read the story, she wondered, “How many purses do you think she has? She always has one slung on her arm.”

That’s true. Now that I think of it, you rarely see her on the telly or in a magazine without a hat. She must have quite a collection. How many hat boxes are stacked up waiting to be carried up and down stairs? In addition, when you consider all those crowns and big bulky robes, I’m not sure one lorry will hold all her personal effects. She’s going to need a whole fleet of lorries. I hope she has lots of friends.

Well, I’m not busy for the next fortnight, so she should ring me up if she needs a hand. I’m certainly willing to help. I just hope there aren’t a lot of stairs where she is going. And I hope she remembers the pizza and beer.