Before we turn to a new calendar page, 2014 merits a look back at some of the least important stories, which means they won’t be nearly as depressing as the really important stories. At best, a look at the lighter side may provide some comic relief; at worst, you may conclude things really are as bad as you thought.
It was a good year for bacon lovers who celebrated the debut of Naked Bacon Cooking Armor. It’s a red contraption that looks like Superman’s skivvies. Diehard bacon lovers who enjoy cooking in the nude can now cook fully protected. Well, not fully, but you know. What a relief.
Colorado legalized recreational marijuana, giving a new nuance to “Rocky Mountain High.” Residents say the average speed on the interstate is now 30 mph — and that’s in the high-speed lane.
“Flappy Bird” became one of the most downloaded free games, generating $50,000 a day in ad sales, according to the game’s Vietnam-based developer Dong Nguyen. The game was not only highly popular but, for many, highly addictive. Feeling guilty over the
addictive nature and overuse of the game, Nguyen removed it from the market.
Delores Dennison, 80, of Ohio attended her first prom this past spring. Her 19-year-old great-grandson knew she’d never been to a prom, so this knockout Eagle Scout invited her to his. Delores wore a blue dress and carried a small clutch with her nitro and puffer. Austin led his great-grandma to the dance floor, where he surprised her with a song he had chosen for the occasion. “I Love the Kisses of Delores” is a song Delores’ husband used to sing to her.
George Prior, 50 (old enough to know better), began drinking 10 cans of Coke every day for a month to see how it would affect him. He gained weight. Shocker. Hey, George, if someone suggests you repeat that with a fifth of whiskey, don’t do it.
The day before Thanksgiving,
a female passenger boarded an early-morning U.S. Airways flight with her emotional support pig. Yes, you read that right. Turns out the pig was more emotional than supportive. The pig began squealing and then relieved itself on the floor. Passengers objected. The flight crew directed the passenger to deplane, and that little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home.
In November, 17-year-old Abby Snodgrass made news in a Missouri Walmart when she heard associates talking over a radio about someone needing CPR in electronics. She raced over, saw an 11-month-old not breathing and began doing CPR for children, which she had just learned in health class. The baby revived. Rarely does a Walmart shopper see such stellar customer service.
A television anchor in Sydney, Australia, revealed that he wore the same blue suit every day for a year on air and nobody noticed. Upon hearing this news, seven out of 10 married men turned to their wives and said, “I told you I could wear these pants another day.”
As we say goodbye to 2014, it seems appropriate to quote one of the characters from “Frozen,” Disney’s highly successful licensing darling: “Let it go! Let it go!”